Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
