I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
