oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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