I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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