his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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