did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
