U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
