My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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