I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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