my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
