We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
