hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
