I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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