ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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