What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
