Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Randomize
