all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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