im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
