anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
