KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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