Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
