i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
