I bet he comes in French.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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