We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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