Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
