whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
