ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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