WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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