well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
