Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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