he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
