I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
