You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
did you just send me my own nude
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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