I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
