Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
