You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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