I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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