NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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