this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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