oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
