Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
