she smelled like a LAN party
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
