What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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