I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
