I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
