Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
