So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just blew my weed a kiss
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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