Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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