guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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