We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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