Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
