suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
